do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
