she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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