If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
