we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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