Umm I'm too high to move.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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