I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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