she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
