now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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