all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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