a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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