Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I cut my penus on the lid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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