The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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