Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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