i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
