I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
