4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
