I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
no you cant smoke seaweed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
