you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
