I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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