then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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