Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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