These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
