someone threw a dead crab at me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
