She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
