turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
