The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
