Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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