who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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