Your tits are I can't wait for
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
