My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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