weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
