I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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