I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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