how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
