You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
