He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
