ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
