I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
