Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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