I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
