I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
