Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
