do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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