she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
