when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
