things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
