It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
