We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
