can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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