She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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