i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
