The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
