We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
