You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
