My entire life is one complicated drinking game
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
