I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
