when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
