I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
