Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
