i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
