So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
