you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize