i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
