Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
