we have pet lesbian snakes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
