Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
