I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
