our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
